I Have No Dreams

Our youngest child had recently married and Norm and I were in the process of adjusting to an empty nest and actually finding we liked being alone and knew we were going to enjoy this next phase of life. It was around this time we received a call that has made a great impact on our lives, and has been fodder for many laughs and much discussion.

Norm had worked for years with a young man at church who has some slight mental and considerable physical challenges. He is a great kid, having recently graduated from high school. Jim (not his real name) called to see if we had some time to meet with his aunt and uncle who had some kind of business that Jim indicated was going to help him earn some money as well so he could have some financial independence as he grew older. We really do love this kid and were happy to meet his relatives, thinking we may be able to assist him in some way.

Jim set up a time, and we welcomed him, his aunt and his uncle into our home. The aunt and uncle weren’t married to each other, and if I understood it correctly, they were married to a brother and sister of Jim’s mom (or something that has little relevance, I suppose). They seemed like nice people and Jim looked extra sharp, dressed up nicely, sitting on the sofa.

We have always been wary of multi-level marketing, and over the years have been approached more times than we can even count, which I believe is probably pretty average in our LDS society. While Norm is quite dynamic and a great salesman, together we have always just had a fundamental disagreement with what seems to be obligating family, friends and neighbors to buy whatever the product du jour may be. We have seen friends almost lose their shirts (albeit clean, fresh-smelling shirts because who doesn’t need soap?) investing in product and stocking their basements and garages to the hilt with various stuff, only to find themselves unable to unload it and footing huge bills despite being able to purchase at the “distributor” level. This is not to say all multi-level products are bad. We know people who sincerely feel their lives have been greatly changed and enhanced by the use and sales of certain products. More power to you! We just don’t believe this is our arena.

With that said, and with only a few words from our guests, I knew we were in for “The Spiel.” The meeting began with a getting-to-know-you session and it became clear to me immediately our guests were sizing us up to see if we would fit well in their “circle.” I was trying desperately to be polite, and kept glancing at Jim there with the big smile on his face, looking so hopeful and positive. Norm, who for the most part is always polite, was funny and answered questions about us and bantered with our guests. Several times, however, he did ask what they were selling, who they represented, how they were looking to involve us in helping Jim, etc. And as we’ve come to know is the norm, multi-level marketers rarely tip their hand and reveal just what it is they’re offering. These two were no exception. My kingdom for someone, anyone to say, “Alright already, it’s Amway!” “Yes, you guessed it – we sell Shaklee!” “Okay, I’m going to tell you even before we sit down……we’re pushing Tahitian Noni Juice and we want you to push it too!” Hiding their intentions wasn’t a real trust-builder for me, but this is certainly part of the approach. And there sat Jim, grinning and seeming excited. We were torn.

I wish I was kidding when I say we spent over an hour and a half shooting the bull with these people. I’m not. It became apparent that we had passed inspection and were acceptable protégées when Uncle Jacob declared, “We like you guys. You’re funny.” Well, hallelujah! The discussion began to get serious as Uncle Jacob looked at me, his face sober, his eyes piercing and all-knowing as he asked The Question I’d heard before in similar get-togethers, “Sue, what are your dreams?”

Here we go, I thought. It’s the bait and the hook all rolled up into one tidy little bite. Who doesn’t have dreams? Who doesn’t want to fly around the world and wear designer clothing and have High Tea with the Queen? Who doesn’t want to lounge on the beaches of Tahiti or cruise the Yangtze or drive the biggest darn Cadillac that’s ever come off the assembly line? Who, I ask you, who??? Well, me.

I knew exactly where this was going. I knew I had to nip it in the bud and end any further discussion. I knew that once this train left the station there was no stopping it. I looked at Uncle Jacob and said simply (and that night, quite honestly), “I have no dreams.” I’m not sure that reply had ever been broached in the training sessions or the pep rallies. I could imagine his account to his Upper Level Jade Tier Supervisor or Double Dip Diamond Golden Circle Manager or to whomever he had to report. “And then she said she has no dreams. What do I say to that?”

Uncle Jacob really did look stunned, confused. He then fixed his attention on Norm, who thought my answer was funny but just didn’t seem to understand my objective. Norm’s dreams? Well, he told the gang he’d like to go the British Isles someday, specifically Ireland and Scotland. Aye, Laddie, but that’s not going to hurry the night along. Work with me here!

It seemed Uncle Jacob was happy to have found someone in the room other than himself with a dream (please note the Cadillac reference). Now he could continue in the manner to which he was accustomed. So Norm wanted to go to Ireland and Scotland. Now there’s a dream we all can work toward together! Uncle Jacob was still unwilling to accept my dreamless state, however, and asked me again to share my ultimate fantasy. Surely there was something grand and great I wanted to do in my meager little existence. “Okay,” I said, thinking I could appease him to some extent and still cut to the quick. “My dreams are Norm’s dreams.” While this still seemed rather unacceptable and quite unbelievable to Uncle Jacob who was drooling over the Caddie, he moved on and began to tell us that we could be in Ireland in the blink of an eye and he was going to share the magical formula to realize “our” wildest dreams.

He wanted to show us on paper what was in store for us and how “we” (since my dreams were Norm’s dreams) could accomplish this desire of streaking across the Atlantic and roaming the heathered highlands of Ye Olde Scotland. But since he had forgotten paper, we had to get him a piece. Oh, yeah, and a pen. I have added his written presentation because it just shouldn’t be missed. I look at it still and wonder why we weren’t just absolutely enchanted and running for the checkbook so we could lay out that $500 sign up fee on the spot.

Who in their right mind doesn’t want to make $50,000 a year for just simply signing up friends and family? Who doesn’t want to jeopardize relationships? Who doesn’t want to “help” everyone in their address book? Who doesn’t want to flaunt a photo-copied five figure check from September of 2002? Who, I ask you, who???
You guessed it – me. Norm actually committed to listening to the pep rally tapes and was nice enough to give it all a fair shake, for Jim. But alas, it must not have been meant to be. We listened to part of the back-slappin’ love fest otherwise known as a distributor’s meeting and just weren’t really moved to participate. The pair needed the tapes back ever-so-quickly because this was a deal that required action, momentum, excitement and they had others clamoring for the Great Secret to Happiness.